CMA Awards a Disappointment
-- by Teresa Schliker, November 5, 2003

The 37th Annual CMA awards was shaping up to be a treat for music lovers, with the truly talented nominated, winners tough to choose and the outcome difficult to predict. If you were looking forward to some great live performaces, you were (mostly) in for a treat. But if you were looking forward to seeing these awards go to the most deserving country artists...well, I hope you didn't bother picking up the remote.

Alan Jackson & Jimmy Buffett...do the CMAs have a curse, too?
Is it just me, or is the first CMA performance always this bad? He sounded pretty bad vocally, Jimmy Buffett sounded even worse, and the house band was just playing waaaay too slow. Was the faulty rhythm messing up the masters? Do the artists have a problem with echoes until they get the sound system fixed right? Or is it just bad "CMA-opening-act-karma"? It seems I always want to cover my ears at the beginning of every show, even when it's opened by George Strait. Something is sure going on...and it's not even the silly "hula dancers" all over the stage (though that was pretty tasteless...thankfully, the sets for the rest of the performers were more appropriate). Maybe curses aren't just relegated to baseball!

Before the rest of this review gets under way, "Here are the Nominees"...

Duo of the Year:
(I don't know who the nominees are because they didn't show this...it's only thanks to Vince Gill that we even got to see who won...if you really want to know, you can look them up at the GAC website, I'm sure.)

Irving Waugh Award of Excellence:
(This is a special award only given out to someone who has had a great influence, when someone comes along they want to give it to...there is no "envelope", just a tribute to the person they have chosen.)

Entertainer of the Year:
(I don't know who the nominees were...since George "no-show" Jones didn't bother to announce them! I recently had the "privelege", if that's what you all it, at Jamboree in the Hills 2003, of finding out just WHY they refer to "the drunk" as "no-show"...and now I wish he hadn't shown! How can you announce Entertainer of the Year without naming the nominees, for crying out loud? Again, if you really want to know, look on the GAC website, I'm sure they have them.)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Johnny Cash tribute...err...CMA Awards Show

and the Music Video of the Year Award goes to...
???Johnny Cash??? (for Hurt) Why? Oh, no, I think this is shaping up to be a "Johnny Cash tribute night", forget about honesty and integrity and that we're actually supposed to be doing an awards show here!

Toby Keith..."no silly stuff"
In quite a contrast to Alan's unfortunate slot, Toby Keith's I Love This Bar was solid and true...no silly stuff, just the stage, the band, a few neon signs and Toby. He sounded AWESOME, and the band was actually having a good time! Toby made only one vocal boo-boo on the word "bar" in the first chorus, which no one except a Toby-Keith-fan-who-knows-any-song-she-likes-by-anyone-by-heart (that's me) would notice. And the drummer made a little goof, just once. Otherwise, the band was near perfect...quite an accomplishment when you consider the CMA house band only rehearses with each artist once before the show. Did I mention the crowd went nuts when Toby was anounced? No? Oops! "My bad"!

As usual per any "live" Toby performance, there were unexpected moments when he took what is already a masterpeice of vocal interpretation and did himself one better...I'm thinking particularly of how he sang, "Yes I dooo," and "I jus' LOVE this ol' bar". Sorry, I can't describe it, and, anyway, Toby's fans know what I'm talkin' about! Speaking of Toby's fans, I absolutely "must" give the mandatory fashion report: worn blue-jeans, crisp white western dress shirt, black leather jacket, and a white straw hat with leather hatband that would have looked plain silly had it been on anybody else's head. (Yeah, you KNOW what I'm talkin' about!)

Brad Paisley and the "Celebrity" contest
It was a good idea, no, a great idea, to have a contest winner get to perform Celebrity on stage with Brad in front of 150,000+ people at Jamboree in the Hills, especially since they picked someone who could actually perform with him. But what was the idea behind having 20-to-30 fans run to the front of the seating area? I mean, it's not like Brad took the time to shake their hands or even acknowledge them, for crying out loud! Besides that, Brad didn't sound all that great, and the people on harmony sounded even worse. (All together, they sounded worse than A.J. and Jimmy!) The only good part was getting to see Brad's trademark smirk...can that guy sing anything without looking like he just heard the world's best joke?

Vocal Event of the Year "saves" Alan Jackson
No, not really, that's just what Jimmy would like us to think. Jimmy Buffett, who self-admittedly has never before won an award in his entire career, tells Alan after sharing this trophy for It's Five O'Clock Somewhere. "...glad I could help your struggling career!". That spontaneous joke was the next-best thing to not seeing Johnny Cash win another award. What's that? Oh, I know Johhny wasn't nominated, but the way things were going...(Personally, I was pulling for Toby Keith, but this was a dead heat! And what happened to Single of the Year? Hurt was nominated, It's Five O'Clock Somewhere wasn't, even though Single of the Year is supposed to be, among other things, a huge commercial success...I've never heard Hurt before tonight, but It's Five O'Clock Somewhere held the #1 spot in the country for a record number of consecutive weeks...go figure!)

Martina McBride Sees Herself Through Her Daughter's Eyes
In My Daughter's Eyes is not exactly my kind of song musically, but it was written around wonderful subject matter...soemthing Martina always manages to get her hands on. Her voice was as beautiful as we've ever heard it. It's nice to hear someone who could outsing Whitney Houston not spout a musical scream-fest just because she could if she wanted to. Martina shows us why Country Music is all about class! The symphony backed her lovely voice beautifully. Another perfectly predictable "standing 'O'"!

Brooks & Dunn Crank it Up at the Honky Tonk
The original "turbo-tonk" duo were as awesome as you can expect! Kix on harmonica and wonderful gospel-style harmonies ala-Garth-Brooks captured the fun and "live-your-life" spirit of You Can't Take the Honky-Tonk Out of the Girl as it should be experienced. Made me feel like I missed a great party! The stage was great, but not overdone for the mood...the words "Honky Tonk" lit up, flashing spotlights and strobe lights in cool-white only, all complementing the "street look" carried out by everyone, even the backup singers, clothed in black street dress. No disappointments here!

Duo of the Year Not Worth the Time of Day
Kudos to Vince Gill, who, having an attack of conscience over the fact that one of the top-grossing acts in country music today were not going to be able to accept their well-deserved award on national television, ran out with Brooks & Dunn's Duo of the Year award and handed it to them before they left the stage. CMA, for shame!

Hurt Not a Blip on the Radar, But Single of the Year
This award goes to a hugely successful song that has had a great impact on country music, country fans, and country radio...except on the "Johnny Cash Tribute Show" (I'm sorry, did you think you were watching the CMAs?), when it goes to the most recently deceased.

Song of the Year: Justice is Found in Good vs. Evil
My goodness, I wish I was there...everyone screamed at the very mention of Beer for My Horses and everyone was yelling, "Toby! Toby!" just before the envelope was opened...the last person to be bestowed with this rather constant blessing over the years has been George Strait, and I don't think it's any accident Toby's in that kind of company. Anyway, it's always exciting when you have a much-anticipated showdown between two phenomenal artists. This is the battle that should have happened over Single of the Year, but Song of the Year settles the issue once and for all...and Three Wooden Crosses puts Randy Travis back on top...the top of the charts, the top of the night, and the team of Johnson & Williams at the top of the list of elite song writers. It could have just as easily been won by Toby's brand of vigilante justice, Beer for My Horses, written with Scotty Emerick, or Brad Paisley's Celebrity, perhaps the funniest take on fame we've ever heard (and the song that gave us "the smirk").

The Sweet Harmony of Dolly Parton and Nora Jones
Yes, how about that harmony? 2 totally different voices with 2 totally different singing styles blend into a thing of beauty on The Grass is Blue. Thank you, CMA production (goodness, am I really thanking the CMA honchos?) for the stripped-down accompanyment! What a joy to the ears! This performance earns an understandable standing "O" from all those assembled. (And Vince Gill's comparison to Britney and Madonna wins oodles of laughs...oh, never mind...you just "had to be there".)

"Honk" if You Love George Strait!
George, who hasn't always had the best awards performances, did even better than the album! Honk if You Honky-Tonk is a fun-lovin' western-swing song the likes of which we haven't heard from George (at least as a single) in a long while! Was he on fire tonight, or what? And lookin' good, as usual...with that set of teeth, why hasn't George done any toothpaste sponsorships?

Terri Clark Didn't Do Much for Me
I Wanna Do It All is one of my favorite songs off the album "Pain To Kill" (heck, almost any of those songs is "my favorite"). She didn't do a thing for me...nothing like the album...no energy at all! I don't know what happened, but it wasn't much of a plug for a truly great album...and it had nothing to do with seeing her in a Yankees uniform!

Rascall Flatts is Hot
They sounded very good...the lead singer was a little off tune at times, but then I Melt is a very hard song to sing when you're not in a crowded, noisy music hall! They more than did themselves justice, and if you've ever seen this group live, you know their talent is no fluke.

...and the Award for Album of the Year goes to...
...not any of the terrific artists who had terrific albums, that's for sure! Let's see, we have "Unleashed" by Toby Keith, one of the best-selling albums of the year and with numerous #1 songs to back him up, and an album that critics and fans alike have praised to the moon, over and over (it is one heck of a collection!); "Man With a Memory" by Joe Nichols, the newcomer who broke onto the scene with the 5-Week #1 Hit and wittiest-lyrics-of-the-year smash Brokenheartsville (I don't even think any of Toby's songs was better than that!); "Home" by the Dixie Chicks, which is still the biggest country seller in a long, long time; ...but they pick "American IV: The Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash. This is the point at which I am actually getting physically ill and would just turn off the TV if only I hadn't promised several people that I would be posting this review, and therefore, must allow the torture to continue.

There Goes the Show
Kenny Chesney gives a solid, emotional performance of There Goes My Life, but I'm too caught up in ranting and raving with my buddies about this unplanned Johnny Cash tribute show to pay attention beyond the first couple of lines (sorry).

Patty Loveless does Rodney Crowell One Better
I have heard both versions of Lovin' All Night, and further more, I like both versions...but Patty has just taken this song to a new level. Relaxed and sounding at the top of her trade and with a fantastic smile on her face, Patty was one of the few people who actually enjoyed herself tonight (the fans sure didn't). She does this old-fashioned honky-tonk tune such justice! Even though the backup singers were often behind the beat, Patty still made it sound terrific!

and the Award for Male Vocalist fo the Year goes to...
someone who is NOT "the most important voice in country music today"...
...I am talking about Gary Allan, of course, who continues to be overlooked by the "powers that be" even after producing 5 of the best country albums to be released in the past decade. In fact, he wasn't even nominated...Toby Keith, of course, garnered HUGE screams from the crowd (no, NOT "just the women")...but the award went to Alan Jackson, the only person besides Toby who was nominated and actually deserved to win. (George's last 2 albums are not, overall, as wonderful as we've come to expect.)

Once Again, Daryll Worley Refuses to be Pushed Around
The same guy who gave radio the point-blank, stop-burrying-your-head-in-the-sand Have You Forgotten? (which was also nominated for Song of the Year tonight) comes up with an even better one. I Will Stand My Ground is a song anyone can relate to who's ever had to endure the venom of a hateful, nasty person who'd love nothing better than to try to drag you down with them as you determinedly "shake the dust from your feet"...I LOVE this song!...I don't know how to explain it, but it's as though he wrote this song just for me (and he sounded wonderful, by the way)...here's the an excerpt from the lyrics:

"...I will not back down
When you push me to the wall...
...Expecting me to fall
I do my best to get through the day
Without confrontation
Staying out of everybody's way
But then, on occassion..."

It's a real good-feeling song, and an inspiration!

Buddy Jewell is a Voice to be Reckoned With
What a nice voice on this guy! Boy, how he can vocally interpret what he's singing...it makes me think I really "missed out" by not seeing his win on "Nashville Star"...he sure deserved it! His fantastic interpretive talent and voice rival those of George Strait, Ricky Van Shelton, Randy Travis, Gary Allan, Toby Keith and Clint Black. It is very obvious while watching him sing Help Pour Out the Rain that they don't need to use effects on his voice after he comes out of the recording studio...hence the HUGE applause!

Guys from Rascal Flatts Defer Vocal Group of the Year Award to Their Idols
This such a race, what with people like Diamond Rio, Alabama, the Dixie Chicks and Lonestar nominated, that I would not have been surprised (or even upset) had the voting members picked Alabama in light of their pending retirement just to make the decision easier! But no, the award went to those talented newcomers from the mid-west, Rascall Flatts. They were the most surprised of all, because after they each politely said some thank-yous quickly into the microphone, the 3rd guy promptly made this point: "There's some heroes here tonight, and they're the reason that we do this...we heard they're planning some sort of retirement...they deserve it...Randy, come up here..." and stood on the stage holding out the trophy until Randy Owen came up on stage and accepted the award for super-group Alabama. The action did not garner the shock of similar actions by others on past shows...rather a standing ovation signalled the agreement of the other CMA Award attendees.

...and the Female Vocalist of the Year is...
Martina McBride! No surprise there, but she accepted it with such utter grace! To quote, "I don't know why it's me that's up here, but I'm very grateful..." We know why, but it seemed Martina was in the presence of a few of her idols, including Alison Krauss and Patty Loveless. Martina deserved it. And for once, we didn't have to deal with Faith Hill yet again winning a Country award for a non-Country song that never should have been nominated in the first place. Halelujiah!

Why is he hung up on the age thing? Vince gets better the older he gets!
Vince Gill has a voice like silk...It's a Young Man's Town (NOT!)...WOW! His daughter Julie, who has inherited a lovely voice, was singing with him. What a treat to listen to them both!

...and the Horizon award goes to...
...Joe Nichols??? Even Joe Nichols fans didn't understand this one! When Gary first came out, he lost the award to a 1-song wonder who didn't even deserve to be nominated...he gets ignored for years, in spite of putting out albums unmatched by anyone save for George Strait...FINALLY, "the most important voice in country music today" is nominated for several awards which are long overdue...and comes away empty-handed. What the f@#*!

Johnny Cash is post-humously presented with the Irving Waugh Award of Excellence...
...and quite frankly, I don't care anymore. Okay, for those of you who want a few details, the awards the "Man in Black" has won tonight (both deserved and un-deserved) have been accepted on his behalf by his daughter and son, Rosanne and Johnny Carter Cash. Hank Williams, Jr. sounded terrific doing "I Walk the Line" (oh, no wait, he did the other song...what was it?)...I just want to go to bed.

Now, Let's Finish Up this Farce with Entertainer of the Year...
...and if "no-show" Jones actually bothered to let us know who the nominees are, I would even be able to give you my opinion. Alan Jackson won. I think that's debatable. But no matter, according to the drunk, he didn't have to compete against anyone, apparently. Have a good night!